the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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