Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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