Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
