Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
