morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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