I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
