I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
