This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
