You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
