I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
