MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I forget how to act sober
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
