You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
