the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
