Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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