I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
