did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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