I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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