I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
