I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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