i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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