I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize