i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
