Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
