I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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