I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize