Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
