When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
