he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
