And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
