I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
