He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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