If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
