it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i out mim tonsoeep
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize