He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
