clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
