Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize