Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize