I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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