This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
