I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
