i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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