She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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