know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
