for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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