Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
