I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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