I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
