I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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