he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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