I could have mohawked her pubes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
