I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
