Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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