i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
