I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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