I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
