Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
