somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize