I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
