Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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