Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
