he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
