She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
