i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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