Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
