i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize