In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
