I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize