we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
