When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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