I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
