Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
