its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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