Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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