And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
