Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
