Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
