So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
