note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
