well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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