She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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