That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
