That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
