So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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