Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
