Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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