you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize