He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
