It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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