I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
